Not All Young Mum’s.

Not all young Mum’s set out to get pregnant.

Being a parent is the best feeling.

As a young parent myself I know too well the stigma and judgements attached to it.

I heard things such as:

  • “you only want a free home and benefits”
  • “you’re too young to be a Mum”
  • “you’re going to end up no where in life”,
  • “you’re a slag”.

Like seriously who attached these untrue stigmas and judgements to young parents? I believe society has a lot to answer to. Why not try be understanding instead?

Don’t get me wrong some young parents plan to start a family young. That is entirely up to them if they are both of age. Who are we to judge the life-path they are taking?

My ‘boyfriend’ was twenty-one years of age and I was 14 years old.

In today’s World that would be unacceptable and it is. However, in the late 90’s it was acceptable for adults to date children. I never had supportive parents that had my back. Instead the relationship was encouraged.

The relationship with this man wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship. I was a victim of domestic violence. It was about 6 months into the relationship when I was 15 years old when I was paralytic drunk, we had intercourse for the first time. I was forced to have sexual intercourse with him many times. I submitted to him through the fear of him hitting me. Although I could hold my own he would always be stronger than me. I submitted because I had the belief that is what you do.

In today’s World it would have been classed as raped because I was intoxicated on alcohol so therefore didn’t have the capacity to say No! I was statutory raped because he was an adult and I was a child. I was violently raped because I was forced violently to have sexual intercourse with him. He was a violent bully. Sadly I wasn’t to know any better at the time.

Every time I tried to call things off, he would finish work early to meet me outside school. He would stand there with his sad puppy eyes. Me being the vulnerable teen that I was, was like yeah its okay, I love you and basically falling for the bullshit every single time.

I was kicked out of the family home about 3 months before my 16th Birthday.

I wasn’t kicked out because I was a delinquent. It was because I lived in a abusive home you see and I wasn’t complying with the abuse. I had no where to go due to the fact my parent kept her offspring away from all the family. We wasn’t allowed support of any kind. She wanted me to be sleeping on the streets to teach me a lesson type of thing.

Thankfully the ‘boyfriend’s’ parents said I could stay there until things at home smoothed over. I will be forever grateful to his parents for putting me up as one of their own. The streets are no place for an adult never mind a teenage child.

So, about a week after my 16th Birthday I was allowed back into the family home. Not long after that I found out I was expecting my first child. A termination was out of the question. In fact, I remember giving the Doctor the death stare when he mentioned it.

I continued with my education even with my parent attempting to make me give-up on my GCSE’s. I managed to sit my exams. I failed miserably. But I tried even though everything was against me. I was due to have my baby with no father present. In a different town that I didn’t know. I managed it. After all we are made to be resilient aren’t we? We can do anything we put our minds too.

After my first born was born just before my 17th birthday.

It wasn’t an option to attend a college course. I wasn’t going to allow people to pass the judgement of ‘young Mum’s are out for freebies’. I had a small baby and I had 3 jobs. They wasn’t fabulous jobs or paid well jobs. They were just jobs so people couldn’t be negative about me. I was providing for my baby myself. Looking back I should of continued with my education and to fuck with peoples judgements.

By the time I was 18 years old, I had two children to the same man. I was on benefits and a single Mum. Did that stop me? Straight answer is – No it never. If anything it made me strive for more. To be a good example to my children. To change the cycle of abusive parenting.

My oldest two and me when I was 18 years old.

Over the years I’ve had different job titles, one including running my own face painting business. I’m not a child anymore. I’m a grown adult (just about ha-ha). I now have qualifications, two more children, in a healthy relationship and I have healthy boundaries in place so I’m never on the receiving end of abuse again.

Having my children young saved me from taking a very different path. A not so nice path so to speak. They are my blessings.

Society says children of young parents go on to be young parents themselves. In some cases that’s bullshit too – my children haven’t become young parents. They have education, holidays etc before settling down to have a family.

Next time before you judge a young parent keep in mind.

  • The young parent might be ‘old headed’ – why are they? A lot of the time a teen that seams much older usually comes from an abusive household that doesn’t have the teens best interest at heart.
  • The young parent is a young girl and her partner is an adult. also adult female and a teen boy. This is red flags.
  • Some young parents are working hard to better themselves and not repeat history of shitty parenting.
  • That you do not know the back history to hold an opinion.

Would I change the fact I am a young parent? ….. Definitely not.

Would I have done it different? ….. No because I wouldn’t have the children I have now. I wouldn’t be as wise either.

Are you a young parent? Please get intouch.

Thank you for stopping by Fibromite Momma x

https://www.instagram.com/fibromitemomma/?hl=en

9 Healthy Tips To Help The Brain Heal From Trauma.

Even stacking these stones was a healthy habit – mindfulness.

Trauma of any kind changes our brain; healing can also change our brain. So therefore over time it is possible to heal the negative changes to our brain that trauma caused.

I would have laughed if you told me we could recover from trauma just a few months backs, I shit you not.

However, I strongly believe we can recover from trauma. With some hard work and effort healing can fully take place. It’s not no stroll in the park or linear. There will be days that you think, fucking hell this is hard. Don’t give up, think oh well it’s just a little set back get back on the healing road.

The trauma does not define you.

The trauma can not stop you from moving forward to fully recover.

You are worthy of that healing even if you don’t believe it right now.

I use an old maths book to keep track of the healthy habits and it’s been quite helpful. You know, it can take up-to 30 days to become accustom to your healthy habits like second nature. It’s okay if one day all uni done was survive the day. You beat yourself up, you’re doing your very best.

Being proactive in your own recovery is rewarding and to be honest is the key to your recovery. Your brain and body doesn’t belong to anyone else now, does it?

So what are these tips? I will get there, promise 😂.

1. Self-care – now this isn’t all bath bombs and blinking pamper products. It’s the basics like brushing your teeth, getting dressed, taking your medication, taking time out when needed, eating meals, you get the idea.

2. Meditation – this relaxes the mind and in return relaxes the body. It’s not easy at first, like anything the more you practise the easier it becomes. Like riding a bike. You can download an app (I use simple habits), or you can find guided meditations on YouTube. No need to invest in anything special.

3. Mindfulness – what’s that when it’s at home? It’s basically living in the actual moment. Not in the future. Not in the past. Example, sitting in a garden. You take note of how the petals look on a flower. You notice the leaves, their shape, the colours you see. Taking note of the scents in the air that you can smell. The sounds you hear, can you hear the birds. Taking everything in, in that given moment. Nothing else.

4. Routine – I find many people like routines and feel out of sync if that routine is disturbed in any way. A simple routine of getting up and going to sleep at the same time, even at the weekend helps.

5. Self-compassion – I think a lot of us give ourselves a hard time in general. Trauma survivors through no fault of their own really do struggle with self-compassion, and that’s okay. Give yourselves a break you are doing your very best.

6. Move the body – this isn’t easy for some due to disabilities including myself. I tried aqua-yoga and found ur helped, I had a good nights sleep that’s for sure. We are all different, like some people like to walk, run, gym, yoga etc. What suits one person might not suit another and again, that’s okay.

7. Sleep – I once thought sleep wasn’t important, I used to stay up for the sake of it, like why? Now if I don’t get enough sleep I pay for it via the illnesses. Spoonies never have a restful sleep anyhow.

8. Investing in oneself – now this doesn’t mean go off and spend a fortune. It’s the opposite. It could be a simple habit of reading a book. Taking care of yourself. Making time for yourself. Learn something new.

9. Therapy – therapy isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a strong sign of courage. It’s takes courage to be vulnerable in a healthy way. There are many types of therapy available for various things both privately and on the NHS.

You do not have to rush and do everything at once.

Gradually bring the healthy habits into your every day life so that your don’t feel overwhelmed. Do it at a pace that suits you.

What are your healthy tips?

🤗💜🤗

Thanks for stopping by, don’t forget to like, comment and follow.

You never stop learning.

You learn something new every day.

Growing up there is so much attention on qualifications and if you don’t pass your GCSE’s that you’re going no where in life. Like who came up with that ay? Like nobody is going to learn something once they’ve done their GCSE’s.

Sorry, I’m going to say that is total bullshit.

I call bullshit due to to the fact growing up I was unable to concentrate on my education due to me being a parent to my siblings and care giver.

I remember one particular time, I had a whole day off school just to be hit throughout the day at different intervals, you know just because I was a child that made a silly mistake. Education wasn’t exactly at the top of my agenda, staying alive was. Not saying I didn’t enjoy learning because I love learning, I still do although I’m not as receptive to holding the information in as I once did, and that’s okay.

You never stop learning and you’re never too old to try something new.

Okay, so we have established I done complete shit when I completed my GCSE’s many moon ago. Like, my best grade was a C and that was for Art, no seriously it was. I was mortified when I received my results. Mind you, my care giver moved me from town to town six weeks before I was due to do my exams. I was also pregnant with my first child whilst doing my exams.

Did that stop me from achieving in life?

No it certainly didn’t! Some years later, I think I was 27 years old at the time. I just had enough of not feeling like a somebody. Not that qualifications make you a somebody because it doesn’t. You, how you as a person makes you a somebody.

I went on a crusade of gaining qualifications. I didn’t stop until I had total burn out. By this time I had 4 children to look after. They gave me the drive to embark on the journey of going back to ‘school’.

Within the space of three years I became qualified in Reflexology, Reiki Practitioner, Health & Safety L3 in the salon, family therapy, Spray tan, physiology/anatomy/pathology L2, photography L1, and a random one food & hygiene. I sound like a show off now, I’m not, I’m just giving an example.

I then opened a face and body painting business that I ran right up until I physically and mentally wasn’t able to.

I had a mental break down.

Everything came to a head. I couldn’t continue the way I was so reached out to gain some professional support such as therapies and so fourth.

Over the past few years I have been concentrating on recovery and learning to live with the conditions my body has. However, I am so ready to start investing in oneself to gain the qualifications needed for a different road. I became more depressed not knowing what direction to take. What can a disabled person with mental health do so they don’t feel like they’re just existing? Work on something they can do.

As one door closes another one opens.

So all that in mind even if I am a slower learner now I am going to study again. Taking a new route of helping people. This time at my own pace. I’m not rushing this time around.

Yesterday I completed a short free NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) course and passed by 100% so it proves we seriously can do anything we put our minds too if we really want too. If we don’t succeed first time, try again until we do.

We learn something new in everyday life. You and me are worth investing in self. Believing in self.

You can achieve anything you want with the right mindset and not giving up.

What’s your thoughts on learning?

🤗💜🤗 thanks for stopping by.

I grabbed the bull by the horns and started to blog.

Hello beautiful spoonies,

I’m Fibromite Momma aka Melissa and I am 37 years old living with multiple chronic illnesses two of them being Fibromyalgia and Mental Health. You wouldn’t guess it to look at me as they are completely invisible but deliberating all the same. I also live with husband to be, 4 blessings (children) and three fur babies.

I love all things creative, literally anything that involves creativity I am there. I’m a huge animal lover but the Mr said no to more fur babies ☹️😂.  I love the great doors when I am able to which isn’t often, spoonies life isn’t for the faint hearted that I can tell you for sure if you’re a non-spoonie. I love all things cute pretty things, finding my girlie side was a challenge, I will get there.

I have set up social media platforms to share my journey; stories; hobbies;  interests; struggles; achievements; reviews and so on to help take my mind away from the daily struggles. It’s kind of a way to keep the mind active because being disabled strips you of every tiny bit of dignity one might have. It’s like clock watching until bedtime. Anyway, enough of that, that’s for another post.

So, if you like general chitchat and a little bit of everything, then please stick around.

You can find me on:

YouTube  

Instagram

Thank you for taking the time to stop by. I look forward to connecting with you. Don’t forget to comment, like and follow.

Gentle spoonies hugs 🤗💜 and some extra 🥄’s too.

Fibromite Momma x