Not all young Mum’s set out to get pregnant.
As a young parent myself I know too well the stigma and judgements attached to it.
I heard things such as:
- “you only want a free home and benefits”
- “you’re too young to be a Mum”
- “you’re going to end up no where in life”,
- “you’re a slag”.
Like seriously who attached these untrue stigmas and judgements to young parents? I believe society has a lot to answer to. Why not try be understanding instead?
Don’t get me wrong some young parents plan to start a family young. That is entirely up to them if they are both of age. Who are we to judge the life-path they are taking?
My ‘boyfriend’ was twenty-one years of age and I was 14 years old.
In today’s World that would be unacceptable and it is. However, in the late 90’s it was acceptable for adults to date children. I never had supportive parents that had my back. Instead the relationship was encouraged.
The relationship with this man wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship. I was a victim of domestic violence. It was about 6 months into the relationship when I was 15 years old when I was paralytic drunk, we had intercourse for the first time. I was forced to have sexual intercourse with him many times. I submitted to him through the fear of him hitting me. Although I could hold my own he would always be stronger than me. I submitted because I had the belief that is what you do.
In today’s World it would have been classed as raped because I was intoxicated on alcohol so therefore didn’t have the capacity to say No! I was statutory raped because he was an adult and I was a child. I was violently raped because I was forced violently to have sexual intercourse with him. He was a violent bully. Sadly I wasn’t to know any better at the time.
Every time I tried to call things off, he would finish work early to meet me outside school. He would stand there with his sad puppy eyes. Me being the vulnerable teen that I was, was like yeah its okay, I love you and basically falling for the bullshit every single time.
I was kicked out of the family home about 3 months before my 16th Birthday.
I wasn’t kicked out because I was a delinquent. It was because I lived in a abusive home you see and I wasn’t complying with the abuse. I had no where to go due to the fact my parent kept her offspring away from all the family. We wasn’t allowed support of any kind. She wanted me to be sleeping on the streets to teach me a lesson type of thing.
Thankfully the ‘boyfriend’s’ parents said I could stay there until things at home smoothed over. I will be forever grateful to his parents for putting me up as one of their own. The streets are no place for an adult never mind a teenage child.
So, about a week after my 16th Birthday I was allowed back into the family home. Not long after that I found out I was expecting my first child. A termination was out of the question. In fact, I remember giving the Doctor the death stare when he mentioned it.
I continued with my education even with my parent attempting to make me give-up on my GCSE’s. I managed to sit my exams. I failed miserably. But I tried even though everything was against me. I was due to have my baby with no father present. In a different town that I didn’t know. I managed it. After all we are made to be resilient aren’t we? We can do anything we put our minds too.
After my first born was born just before my 17th birthday.
It wasn’t an option to attend a college course. I wasn’t going to allow people to pass the judgement of ‘young Mum’s are out for freebies’. I had a small baby and I had 3 jobs. They wasn’t fabulous jobs or paid well jobs. They were just jobs so people couldn’t be negative about me. I was providing for my baby myself. Looking back I should of continued with my education and to fuck with peoples judgements.
By the time I was 18 years old, I had two children to the same man. I was on benefits and a single Mum. Did that stop me? Straight answer is – No it never. If anything it made me strive for more. To be a good example to my children. To change the cycle of abusive parenting.
Over the years I’ve had different job titles, one including running my own face painting business. I’m not a child anymore. I’m a grown adult (just about ha-ha). I now have qualifications, two more children, in a healthy relationship and I have healthy boundaries in place so I’m never on the receiving end of abuse again.
Having my children young saved me from taking a very different path. A not so nice path so to speak. They are my blessings.
Society says children of young parents go on to be young parents themselves. In some cases that’s bullshit too – my children haven’t become young parents. They have education, holidays etc before settling down to have a family.
Next time before you judge a young parent keep in mind.
- The young parent might be ‘old headed’ – why are they? A lot of the time a teen that seams much older usually comes from an abusive household that doesn’t have the teens best interest at heart.
- The young parent is a young girl and her partner is an adult. also adult female and a teen boy. This is red flags.
- Some young parents are working hard to better themselves and not repeat history of shitty parenting.
- That you do not know the back history to hold an opinion.
Would I change the fact I am a young parent? ….. Definitely not.
Would I have done it different? ….. No because I wouldn’t have the children I have now. I wouldn’t be as wise either.
Are you a young parent? Please get intouch.
Thank you for stopping by Fibromite Momma x